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Holiday Fruit Cake

Holiday Fruit Cake
Chalk full of Christmas spirit!



  • 1 cup water
  • 1 cup sugar
  • 1 stick of butter
  • 4 large eggs
  • 2 cups dried fruit
  • 1-1/2 cups flour
  • 1 tsp. baking soda
  • 1 tsp. salt
  • 1 cup brown sugar
  • 2 cups chopped walnuts
  • 1 bottle dark rum
  • Lemon juice to taste


  1. First off, sample the rum to check for quality. Next, take out your largest mixing bowl and find your mixer.
  2. Check the rum again to be sure it's of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.
  3. Repeat.
  4. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one stick of butter in a large fluffy ball. Add 1tsp. of sugar and beat again.
  5. Make sure the rum is still okay. Have another cup.
  6. Turn off the mixer.
  7. Break two eggs and add to bowl. Chuck in the cup of fruit.
  8. Mix on the mixer.
  9. If the dried fruit gets stuck in the beaters, pry it loose with a screwdriver or something.
  10. Sample the rum to check that it hasn't gone bad.
  11. Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Who cares? Check the rum. Now sift the lemon juice and crack some walnuts . Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something...whatever you can find.
  12. Grease the oven. Turn the cake to 350 degrees. Don't forget to mix off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window, check the rum again and go to bed.

Happy Holidays everyone!



( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
Nov. 16th, 2010 05:31 pm (UTC)
Where on earth did you get this little sweetie? I am going to have to pass it on to my sister: she'll love it.
Nov. 16th, 2010 10:59 pm (UTC)
I was looking for an actual recipe when I stumbled across a version of this. The original was kind of vulgar (and used whiskey instead of rum!) so I cleaned it up and added a few more joke (in the original the spelling just got worse and worse.)
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )